


don't mind me (I was just thinking of you)

by emilia_kaisa



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Bittersweet, Friendship, Gen, Not Beta Read, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 09:33:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18008402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: Yuzuru packs for worlds and thinks about someone special.





	don't mind me (I was just thinking of you)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote it today at school, I'm posting it at school and I feel like I'm going to stay here forever.  
> I had feels, stole the title from Walking on cars.  
> Also, I'm posting it from my phone so I'm sorry if it's a total mess.

Skates. Check.

His favourite towel. Check.

Meds, check.

Some snacks to share with Javi before the first practice-

Yuzuru blinks, slowly, and sits on the edge of his bed, as if some force pushed him, gently but with some steady force.

He can't get used to that, still. It's been so long, the whole eternity, and it still feels new. And it still hurts.

It's almost funny, Yuzuru thinks, his mind racing all the way back to the beginning. It's funny, to wake up one day and suddenly not being sure how to breathe anymore.

Yuzuru still doesn't know when it all changed, when Javi stopped being only his training mate and became- he became so much. A constant, a rock, and Yuzuru got used to that, to his gentle hands and easy smile. It was familiar, and sure, and Yuzuru never fully realized it would have to end.

But now, it's over.

Yuzuru rubs his chest absently, trying to get rid of the weird, nagging pressure settled in between his lungs, annoying and almost painful.

Brian was right when he said that Yuzuru was missing Javi, but he had no idea how much, no one had. Because Yuzuru almost doesn't remember how it was to skate without Javi by his side, and losing him feels like losing a limb, and sometimes Yuzuru wonders if anyone can tell what is going on inside his head.

Probably not.

The thing is, Yuzuru is happy, relatively. He's not miserable, he doesn't cry at nights. He's okay.

But he used to be happier, just like that. 

He didn't see it, back then, but now he looked to the past and it's so obvious, suddenly. First years in Canada, when he was still so young and naive, when his success and drive to be more weren't putting strain between him and Javi.

He used to laugh more, then.

He checks on Javi, sometimes. Yuzuru is good at research, he always was, and Javi is doing a lot these days, maybe too much. He looks thin, too thin and too tired, and Yuzuru's heart clenches, because Javi was always the one who took care of himself and sometimes gently scolded Yuzuru for being so much. Yuzuru wishes he could tell him something too, to slow down, take it easy, because Yuzuru knows so much about it all.

He wishes he could call him, but he doesn't know how, because that's not what they do, they never did.

Words were always difficult, between the two of them, so they figured out their own way of communication. A hug ( _you're doing great_ ), a smile and a pat on a shoulder ( _just breathe, it's fine_ ), a brush of a hand when they passed each other in a hallway ( _I'll miss you_ ). 

How is he supposed to talk to Javi now, when there is a million miles between them?

Yuzuru doesn't even know if they're friends.

Probably not.

They could be, Yuzuru knows, and the rapid rhythm of his heart tells him that maybe they could be more, but not in this life, not in this reality in which Yuzuru has missed so many chances already.

Yuzuru takes a deep breath and leans over the suitcase again, deciding to pack the snacks anyway. There are other people around him, kind and good, and almost as special as Javi.

Yuzuru smiles to himself, softly, and thinks about how they're going to meet in Sendai. They will catch up, and go for dinner, and maybe they'll learn how to talk to each other, at last.

And until then, Yuzuru will keep on missing him, and on doing his job. He's already good at that.

**Author's Note:**

> Like it? Hate it? Let me know in the comments!


End file.
